Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

As this year comes to and end, we can all take a deep breath, put finals behind us, and get the hell out.

I remember the end of freshman year: my parents coming up in shifts throughout finals week to take home loads of my stuff. This year was a little different due to the fact that sophomores are permitted to have cars on campus. I packed most of my things myself and made many a trip lugging stuff out to my weary '95 Toyota Corolla. (I like to call her Carol). Though I am home now in the comfort of my bedroom in Voorhees, New Jersey and my mom, sister, and adorable cat are just down the hall, I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Now, I'm not asking you to care about my personal life or anything like that, so if my expressing of my feelings bothers you--don't read my blog. I use this blog to write about things that are important to me and also for the sole purpose of writing.

Anyway, I feel as though college is the time of someone's life in which you find your niche, so to speak. That is to say, you begin to truly develop a sense of who you are, how you like to express yourself, and what kind of people you feel that you relate to. For me, last year was very difficult. I had a conflict with my roommate (whom I have no hard feelings for; we simply did not get along) and was therefore miserable most of the time. I think the stress and misery literally created a dark cloud over my head that shot out bolts of lightening that screamed "CAUTION: UNFRIENDLY AND UNHAPPY" and thus did not make very many friends. However, this year, I was fortunate enough to be placed with a great roommate who soon came to be a good friend of mine. I, and everyone else, noticed my significant shift in moods. Despite the much MUCH heavier workload this year, I was truly happier. I stopped going to home or running away to visit friends from other colleges on the weekends and began developing relationships at PhilaU instead. I didn't necessarily make new friends this year, but I definitely healed and built upon some of the friendships I already had. I think I can safely say that I have finally found my "niche". And that's a nice feeling.

And this is why next semester is going to absolutely SUCK. About 90% of the people that I've become close with are studying abroad. I am studying abroad in the summer and will therefore be at PhilaU in the fall. I am not complaining about the fact that I chose a different program, afterall, I CHOSE the program. I am extremely fortunate to have found a program that I feel better suits my personality and preferences. I am not complaining about the fact that I will be alone. In fact, I'm not even complaing. I'm very excited for all of my friends to get out there in the world and experiance new things. I am simply worried that the connections that we've built may begin to weaken once again. What are the chances that anyone will remember me while having a fabulous time in Argentina or Italy? What are the chances that I will have time to spend sitting at my computer on Skype when I will have tons of laborious work to do? Relationships are funny things. Sometimes they are fickle.

You know what I am talking about, too. You know that you, or someone else that you were close with signed a yearbook with K.I.T. for "keep in touch". In fact, I'm willing to bet that atleast 10 people signed your yearbook with the same thing and you wrote the same three-letter acronym in return. Now, ask yourself, how many of those people have you actually kept in touch with? Maybe 3 or 4? Maybe 1 or 2? Or none at all? It's so fascinating to me to see how people just simply drift in and out of each other's lives. One minute you're writing H.A.G.S. K.I.T. ("Have a great summer. Keep in touch" for those of you who aren't down with the lingo) in someone's yearbook and the next minute you've forgotten all about them until Facebook reminds you that it's their birthday or that they've updated their photos. Sometimes, the person even leaves their phone number right there in your yearbook. Right there. Right in front of you for you to see everytime you feel the need to take out the book for a trip down memory lane. So why don't we call? Why don't we K.I.T.?

I'd like to dedicate this post to my Scholler friends and all of the other amazing people I've ever met at PhilaU or Eastern or even VMS. To all of you, especially my PhilaU crowd, have a wonderful summer and enjoy your experiances abroad. And try not to forget about me.